


I AM A JELLY DOUGHNUT

by Sniperdoodle



Category: Clone High
Genre: Everyone is a clone because this is clone high, Gen, Jelly Doughnuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 06:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1418378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/Sniperdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Clone High spin of John F. Kennedy's speech in Berlin during the Cold War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I AM A JELLY DOUGHNUT

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write Hitler with a German accent. I didn't do Stalin because i don't know how to write a Russian accent.

            “Class!” Herr Schmidt yelled in his drunken slur at his German Class in Clone High. “Listen here you Dummkopfs! I want you to write a speech to the people of West Berlin to raise their spirits up about that fucking Berlin Wall! You hear me! Get writing!”

            As Herr Schmidt walked over to his desk and pulled another bottle of beer out to drink under his desk, JFK began to get excited. This was going to be his time to shine and to make the original JFK proud.

            “Hey Kennedy!” Hitler called over from the other side of the room dampening JFK’s spirits. The clone of Hitler was a scrawny boy with a loud mouth and a disgusting moustache. He always got into fights but he had people like Mussolini and Hirohito to back him up.  Hitler then sauntered over to JFK’s desk to taunt the clone of the US President, “Are you ready to fail?”

            “Eh . . . fuck off Hitler,” JFK retorted.

            “I already have a shpeech prepared,” Hitler proclaimed.

            “You always have a speech,” JFK replied.

            “Yep, zat is one of the amazink sings about me,” Hitler agreed. “Now, have you seen FDR? Schtalin wouldn’t let me vork vith him after I took credit for zee project last time vee vorked togezer.”

            “You said you already had a speech!” JFK argued. “And FDR’s at home with polio.”

            “Poor fellow,” Hitler mocked the clone of another US President.

            “Eh! Don’t make fun of FDR you fucking Nazi!” JFK yelled at Hitler.

            “Don’t yell at me!” Hitler yelled back. “You don’t understand my shtruggle!”

            “I’ll understand your struggle once you’re lying in the emergency room!” JFK retorted. “After I pound all your bones into dust!”

            “Screw you JFK!” Hitler shouted at JFK. “Screw you!”

            “You two, shut up!” Stalin yelled at Hitler and JFK. “Some of us are trying to write a speech about how great I am and communism!”

            “Just tell your little friend Mussolini he sucks as well!” JFK informed Hitler pushing the stick of a man away from him. “And shave that fuzz off your face you call a mustache Fascist trash!”

            Hitler made loud, incomprehensible growls as he walked away from JFK back to his side of the room filled with brown shirts.

            The class the worked hard until Herr Schmidt ran out of beer and crawled back out from under his desk. He began to call people up to give their speech and Hitler went up first even though Herr Schmidt clearly called on Kaiser Wilhelm the Second. Hitler gave his speech, and it was of course all in German and had to do with Nazis. Well, no one could tell because no one could speak fluent German except Hitler but he said ‘Nazi’ a lot. JFK went up after Hitler even though Herr Schmidt called out Beethoven, and gave a moving speech about how the West Berliners would survive and the US would back them up. JFK concluded his speech with the phrase, “ICH BIN EIN BERLINER!”

            Hitler then began to laugh from the back of the room. No one could tell what was so funny but Hitler found it hysterical.

            “Eh! You back there you Nazi scum! What’s so funny?” JFK demanded.

            “You Dummkopf! You just called yourself a jelly doughnut!” Hitler laughed.

            “And how do you know?” JFK challenged.

            “I’m a German!” Hitler stated.

            “You’re from Austria!” JFK argued.

            “You’re both clones!” Stalin shouted.

            “Shut your communist mouth!” JFK shouted before tearing off his shirt and standing on Herr Schmidt’s desk. JFK then took the moment to shout, “DEMOCRACY!”

            “Get off my desk you disgusting piece of shit,” Herr Schmidt slurred. “Stalin! You’re next! And try not to boast about yourself too much!”


End file.
